I was originally going to write this post about the difference between living one's life based on the practicallity and reason of a classical mindset versus letting the free-wheeling fancy of romanticsm guide your rosy and hemp-laced life. Then I almost vomited all over my keyboard at the thought of how wrist-slittingly boring that post would be. I for one would rather punch myself in the nuts repeatedly than listen to some ass-bag blogger prattle on about how hard it is to decide between art and function. But the segway to aeroplanes? "Are you drunk, stoned and collaborating with one of your illiterate retarded Malaysian hookers again?" you might ask. No (and she's Tai godammit - that's the last time I'm going to correct you. Next time it will be a knee to the kidney, no questions asked).
Actually, airplanes are one of the few things in this world that transcend the boundaries between classical and romantic ideals. In a classical sense, the principles of flight have been designed on very brilliant yet surprisingly simple concepts of physics. In addition, a functioning airplane makes such efficient use of resources and mechanical and electrical systems as to be able to cross continents and oceans, carry hundreds of people or thousands of pounds of cargo, and break sound barriers (not all at once of course).
But airplanes and flight are also very romantic by nature. After all, what better instrument of ultimate freedom and individualism? Flying thousands of feet above the earth's surface with total control of your craft and the direction you will take is not only totally empowering, but quite liberating as well. As a pilot, you cut your own path, and the world is but a canvass beneath you, changing at your whimsey and providing scenery and perception impossible to an earthbound man.
So that's the segway, dammit, but it's not really what I want to write about.
This past week I was able to spend about 5 days in Tennessee with my father, whom I respect, admire, and strive to be similar to in many aspects of my life. My dad is a retired airline pilot who now works for the FAA. His career has literally spanned all facets of aviation, including single engine flight instruction, carrying the mail (one of the most dangerous flying gigs around, for those of you that don't know), corporate flying, airline executive, airline flying, airline training, and now working for the watchdog - the FAA.
My father has been able to acheive great things in his life because he had three things: Dreams, goals, and the ambition and will-power to make things happen for himself. Growing up I know we weren't wealthy, but my family was always well provided for. I don't recall my father ever bitching about how he had ever been slighted, wronged, or short-changed for any reason. I remember him working very hard, flying long trips, fixing things, building things, loving my mother, and somehow still spending ample time with me and my sister. All this, and I can barely find time to take my dog for a walk. Unbelievable. My father never drank, never smoked, dipped, chewed, swore, hit, yelled, or threatened. He was never shady and he never disappeared for days at a time.
What were his vices? What were his releases? To be honest, I don't know. One might be tempted to classify my dad as a puritan or straight-laced. But this is not the case either, as he has always had a great sense of humor and the quickest of witts. One of the most light-hearted and jovial men I've ever known, my images of him mostly consist of him laughing at some random joke or something he did that was goofy as all hell.
I realize that I'm probably biased, but the fact of the matter is that my dad is one of the best men I've ever known. I look at his life and his experiences (aviation was only one of many careers my father held) and can't help but feel... small. Or maybe one-dimensional is a better description. I guess I just feel like my father knows so much about so many things, and I (along with my generation of young men) am on track to a lot about a little, at best. Cultural changes, or a tragic change in the composition of today's men? I don't know..
So I had set out to write about airplanes, and the fact of the matter is that I had the time of my life in Tennessee flying with my father. My pilot's certifications as well as my love for of aviation were reborn and I can't wait to get back into the skies and behind the throttle. But as I write this I realize that although I have developed a love for airplanes and aviation, perhaps it is my admiration for my father which has been the catalyst for my love of flying, and the reason I can't wait to get back in the air to see if maybe, somehow, I can compare to him and the things that he's done both in the skies, and with his life.
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Beautifully written. In all honesty and of course, crass humorous conversation aside, I am quite envious of your time alone with Dad. It has been years since I was able to sit down in front of my father and just talk or laugh or reminisce.
And to be honest that may never happen again due to life's circumstances and the culmination of responsibilities to which/whom I must answer.
I often wonder exactly how different your memories are from my own, how were they formed, on what occassions, and with what emotion attached. (Oops, I said the word 'emotion', well, to coin your most recently used phrase...shut it.)
You mention that you strive to compare yourself,but I see in many ways how much you are already like our father. You possess a drive and willingness to challenge yourself that I find ceaseless and amazing as well as courageous. You have the gumption to accomplish at least what our father accomplished, if not much more based on what is available at your fingertips in today's technologically advanced age.
I , on the other hand, have often felt as though i let Dad down on a monumental level by choosing the paths that I have chosen concerning my children. Hell, I let myself down--let's not leave that part out. I feel now like a kind of mess that he must tend to now and then to avoid guilt, and this, baby brother drives me to tears more often that I care to admit. Some may call it father-issues, I call it a shit pile that I would love to have just a week to sit and plow through with the man I love and cherish yet feel so distanced from.
My Daddy, there is a rift there to be certain, probably mostly in my mind, but then again, maybe not.
Give thanks that you were given t the opportunity to spend the time in TN with Dad, because we cannot predict our last day on this planet and you have moments to hang onto forever--up above the earth, joking around with Dad, feeling his guidance and direction the same as many years ago, his patience, his love, his respect for the Man you have now grown to be.
Damn. I have written a response that stands nearly as long as the post itself. I will stop now.
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